Kids ask questions. A lot of questions. As your little ones get older, they will begin to pick up on adult conversations and ask difficult questions about topics you’d rather avoid. This could be about death, crime, war or even something closer to home, such as family fighting or separation. While these can be difficult subjects to bring up with children, if your child has picked something up and asks about it, the worst thing you can do as a parent is shut them down and ignore the subject altogether.
Instead, you can broach the subject delicately using the following tried and true techniques.
Give only brief details
The last thing you want is to scare your child, or give them information beyond their maturity level. For example, if you know someone who has passed away recently and your child is struggling to understand it, you don’t need to tell them the gory details of death. You could explain it in brief, easy-to-digest chunks, such as that a person goes to another place, and that we can’t see them any more. These brief details let your child know the basics of the subject without making them unnecessarily upset.
Use visual aids
If explaining a personal issue, such as a serious illness or perhaps a divorce, to a child, it is easy to use visual aids. You could draw a simple picture to explain in a visual way what is happening. Conversely, you could explain the concept verbally to your child and ask them to draw what they think the subject is, or what it means.
Children are helped by visual aids because it allows their brain to “see” the concept they are struggling to understand. By putting an image to a subject, the confusion diminishes.
Support them by asking open questions
Asking open-ended questions to your child, such as, ‘How do you feel about that?’ or ‘Why don’t you tell me what you think it means?’ allows them to verbalise fears, concerns or questions they may have about the subject.
Your child is likely asking you questions in the first place because they may have heard snippets about the concept, such as on the news or radio, or in your private conversations with your spouse. Allowing them to verbalise their emotions and being supportive no matter what they say is the way forward.
Be calm at all times
If the subject matter your child is asking about lies close to home, it is important to remain calm when discussing it with them. Even if you are in pain right now, from a divorce or death in the family, you need to present a united, capable, calm front to your young child. If you portray your distress fully, they are likely to be anxious and worried about you and the family as a whole – which is not ideal for anyone.
Children are not your friends, your divorce solicitors or your therapists! Protect and help your kids through tough conversations and you will be on your way to having a calm, well-rounded little one.
Disclosure: This is a collaborative post.
