As I approached the big 3-0 last year I felt this building pressure for an epiphany of sorts – my twenties had been pretty pivotal in making me a mother and I’m immensely proud of the career I’ve worked towards. But a higher level of adult as the clock struck midnight? I’m afraid not… I’m still amazed that every day I’m entrusted with Boo’s future – not to mention running a house. There was no lightbulb moment – instead a chorus of people ‘welcoming’ me to the old club, and asking me how I felt. I’ve never feared ageing, as my Grandma used to say the alternative is really rather morbid, I choose to view it as a lovely privilege.
So no inner lessons from turning 30 last year – however as I approached 31 this year I’ve noticed a change within; it’s as if the last year has seen me bed into my thirties and finally (only taken me 13 years) become truly comfortable as an adult and all that comes with it.
Motherhood has a habit of eclipsing your growth as a person as you quite rightly focus on the needs of raising your family but as Boo is now 8, it’s all aligning, in terms of our lives, goals and needs – less running of baths and more discussions with actual viewpoints – our home is alive with shoots of new growth and new development for the both of us.
I feel a sense of zen (trust me I’m as shocked as you to be writing the words, never thought they’d be ‘me) but also a sense of great enthusiasm and great energy and as cheesy as it sounds I think it comes with the self-assurance of being in my thirties.
I’m a maximalist who laughs too loud and too often and I’ve spent over a decade apologising for this; 31 brings not only acceptance but love for myself – I’m a great friend.
So has the first year of my thirties been more formative than I had imagined? Or has the societal pressure of milestone ageing quietened enough to allow me to grow at my own pace? AS such with self-reflection it’s too soon to know the hows and whys but it’s good to feel it consciously happening.
It’s only been a couple of days but I can already tell that 31 suits me better.
